Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Randomize
