I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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