she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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