Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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