I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
