too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
