Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
