Whod you bang
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
