covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
