when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
