I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
