it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
