nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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