please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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