Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
