I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
