If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
