i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
