I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
