If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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