you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
