We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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