Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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