dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
