So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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