nut hugger
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
