I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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