i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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