Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
