Sry I called you an 8
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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