what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
