FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
