id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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