Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
