my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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