she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
