i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
