I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
