she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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