Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
