In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
