Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
