How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
