I met the friendliest cop last night
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
