Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
