white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
