I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He shit in the fireplace
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
