does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
