Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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