why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
