I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
you never un-have a 4some
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
