I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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