I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
