If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
