got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
