Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
