you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
This house was built for laser tag.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
