I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
