It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
