Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
